A to Z of BDSM

A to Z of BDSM

Here are a few of my favourite things from the world of BDSM and general kink-fuckery!

A
is for Aftercare
After a scene, both partners need TLC. Once the heightened passion of the moment has passed, physical and emotional care is vital. Cuddling and kissing are a lovely way to relax and this can also be a great time to debrief and chat. I love having lotion applied to my sore, spanked arse and then putting on fluffy PJs when I get home!
B
is for Bondage
The feeling of being restrained is extremely intense and definitely one of my favourite kinks! Velcro straps are probably the easiest and most comfortable to use, as well as being very versatile. We enjoy using household items such as ties, tights and belts! Just always remember to check in with your partner and stop if you/ they feel any numbness or tingling.
C
is for Consent
Before attempting a new scene, make sure you communicate your limits clearly to your partner and put a safe word in place. For me, I often say 'no' during play and punishments (consensual non-consent play) therefore we use the traffic light system and my safeword is 'red'. You should never feel any pressure or guilt to continue - whether you're a dom or a sub!
D
is for Dominance and Submission
A true Dom/me will only ever have as much power as their submissive gives them! Again, this will come down to trust, consent and experience and over time, your dynamic is likely to change. Each relationship can look very different, depending on where you are on your journey and what you enjoy, so don't compare yourself to others.
E
is for Erogenous Zones
I'm always surprised when I find a new area of my body that's sensitive to sexual stimulation! Let your fingers and tongue explore beyond the usual areas... a neck-bite or hip-tickle drives me wild and makes for excellent foreplay. He always manages to get me soaking wet before even undressing me!
F
is for Flogging
Floggers come in many shapes and sizes but can be a delicate piece of kit. I love the gentle sting against the more sensitive parts of my body, such as my breasts, pussy and inner thighs - the areas I don't want Sir to spank as harshly as fleshier parts, like my arse.
G
is for Gags!
Yes, I love being gagged! If you are worried about not being able to communicate, have a hand signal ready, such as a ball you can drop when things get too much. Although a classic ball-gag is fun, my favourite has to be a wet pair of knickers, taped into place... ahh...
H
is for Hard Limits
A hard limit is a boundary that must not be crossed and that is a NON-NEGOTIABLE. Sometimes hard limits are subject to change, over time, as people change, but this is for the individual alone to decide. Make sure you talk about and respect these limits.
I
is for Impact play
As you know, I love a hard spanking and I also enjoy slapping during a scene. Erotic spanking can involve tools such as paddles, whips, crops, belts, straps, floggers and canes. If you're trying out a new toy, practise on a folded cushion or the arm of a sofa first. Make sure you only hit areas of the body that are well-protected by muscle & fat. Do your research!
J
is for Jizz
It's not over once he's exploded! Get creative... Whether they're holding that salty, sweet load in their mouth during their punishment, or licking it up with their tongue, make sure that not a drop of fun is wasted!
K
is for Knife Play
This type of play requires a lot of trust and control so you definitely don't want to rush into it. Master the skill by experimenting with pressure and angles on your own, before bringing it into the bedroom. Remember, it's okay to enjoy just watching or reading about a kink - you don't have to try everything in real life.
L
is for Little
Although not always sexual, age play is often appealing from a BDSM angle because it fits with the ideas of domination and discipline. The aspects of 'little life' I enjoy the most are definitely brattiness and breaking the rules! The gentle side of cuddles and being carefree are also great and crossover nicely with aftercare, for me.
M
is for Masochism
When you're in a state of arousal, your pain threshold increases and this is why spankings can be so exciting. One of my favourites is when Sir alternates between spanking me hard with a painful implement, such as a riding-whip, and fucking me. It edges me beautifully until I am desperate to orgasm. Hot!
N
is for Nipple Clamps
Nipples can be really sensitive and attention to them can, therefore, be very hot! The size of clamps, and therefore the pressure they apply, can vary and result in different levels of pain and different sensations. I'm not a clamp kind of girl - I find that my nipples are too sensitive to get any enjoyment. I do, however, enjoy having them kissed and licked...
O
is for ORGASM
The big 'O' is amazing but it's definitely not my favourite part of sex. I love the build-up and connection and interaction so much more and it doesn't bother me if I don't reach climax when I'm with a partner. Practise makes perfect so teach them about the angles you need and where to put those fingers and when!
P
is for Plugs
Butt plugs are hands down (and arses up) my favourite sex toy! I have a wide collection, to suit different moods and scenes. Flexible jelly ones are great for daywear; glass ones are good for temperature play; tails are cute and playful; steel ones are easy to clean and feel tighter inside!
Q
is for Questioning
It's okay to ask questions! Submission is not about nodding your head and agreeing to everything thrown your way. If it feels wrong, question it. Being inquisitive and increasing your BDSM knowledge will make you feel more confident and therefore make you a better partner. Be safe.
R
is for Resistance Play
Feeling Sir's strength is a huge turn on and I love squirming under him or trying to escape from my ties! Because we have a safe word in place and agreed on boundaries, we often push our resistance play to very firm and rough treatment. I still love it when he checks in mid-scene though - it makes me feel super safe!
S
is for Sensory Deprivation
Depriving your plaything of one or more of their senses helps to heighten the other senses! Using a blindfold can be really sexy, whether in BDSM or vanilla play. It can help to develop trust between partners or to tease them, incessantly, until they cannot take any more!
T
is for Total Power Exchange (TPE)
For some couples, they wish to live in a D/S context for as much of the time as possible and all power is given to the dominant, by the submissive, regarding all aspects of their life. This isn't for the faint-hearted but can be extremely fulfilling for the right people.
U
is for Unicorns
The legendary mythical creature is the name given to that rare and special Bi female who is willing to join a M/F couple for a perfect threesome! I have never had a threesome and maybe one day I will... but I'm not quite there just yet! Sorry, Sir!
V
is for Vanilla
With all the kink and wild flavours floating around, it's easy to forget that vanilla is delicious and we all need a scoop, from time to time! You can dip in and out of the parts of BDSM that float your boat and similarly if you want missionary sex with a few candles on the side, why not!
W
is for Wartenberg Pinwheel
This spiky little tool, used to test nerve reactions, is now considered by many to be a Red Room staple! Take sensory play to the next level as each needle-point pushes and pulls between pleasure and pain...
X
is for X-Rated Photos and Videos
This one requires the utmost trust and should not be entered into lightly! That being said, taking saucy pictures and videos, either together or for your partner, can be so liberating. I have shared tasteful lingerie shots to masturbation and Sir has even taken a recording of my punishment before! You can watch them back together another day as a great form of foreplay.
Y
Y is for You
At the end of the day, whatever your sexual interests, your health and well-being are key. Never do anything that puts you in danger or makes you uncomfortable. If they don't understand your needs or do everything they can to keep you safe and happy, they are not the right partner for you. Simple.
Z
is for ZZZ-Job
A 'ZZZ-Job' is the act of giving a blow-job to your partner whilst they are still asleep. One of my favourite ways to be woken up is with a tongue on my clit, licking and teasing... BUT you must have gained explicit consent from the person, prior to the act, when they were wide awake! It's not cute or funny... it's abuse.

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